Sometimes we all need a little reminder that we are doing a good thing. That all the hard work and effort that we are putting in is actually worth it. There are times though that little annoying voice creeps in and ruins it, by making us think that no matter what, we will never be good enough. I have so much hate for that little voice, it really bugs me. I have had many fights with it, and still do. There are many of us who have these battles on a daily basis, and to all of you I want to say well done. You are doing fantastic. This is for everyone who hears that niggling doubt, whether is daily, monthly, or every now and then. Why? Because you are all doing brilliantly.
To the butterfly who is wondering if she is good enough,
I want you to know that those thoughts you’re having right now you aren’t imagining. I believe they are there. I am not going to tell you they are silly, or you’re overreacting because sometimes these thoughts really do seem to take over don’t they?
If you’re sitting there wondering, if you really are good enough, can I ask you to think about what is it that ‘good enough’ looks like to you? What would it take for you to stand in front of that mirror and be able to say to yourself “I am good enough.”
Who is it you are trying to prove yourself to? Are you trying to make yourself ‘good enough’ based on other people’s expectations that you think they have? Or is it on presumptions that have been made of your own view of them? Or do you have something to actually go by, an agreed description of what it is you need to be doing?
If you’re thinking at the moment ‘I don’t know’ (which if you are anything like me is highly possible) can you think about a time when you did something that you felt was good enough? How did you know it was good? Remember what that feeling felt like, the facial expressions it gave you, the hope it left in your heart. What have you done where this has been present recently? So, what does that tell you?
The thing about feeling like you’re ‘good enough’ is it is different for every one of us. What makes me good enough is different for you. It can change every single day. It can build over time, and the only expectations that truly matter are the ones that which you know of, for definite. The most important one is your own. What made you feel good enough yesterday may need a different approach today, tomorrow, or even next week.
It is easy to assume that people expect you to be able to this brilliant mum, or colleague, or auntie, or friend. Who is always smiling, never crying, always holding it together, but have those things been said to you? Are these your expectations? Would you have these expectations of others around you? Being enough for yourself may simply be to get through your day, remembering to eat, to drink, brush that hair, check in with a friend or two. It may mean you get up, do the school run, cook a meal, do the laundry, help with homework, and attend a fitness class. Either way, both are good enough for each person’s situation and scenario.
Now no one can instantly turn off all these thoughts, I’m not going to try too either. Redirecting their energy into something else though is always an option. So next time (or this time) you are thinking you just are not good enough, add on ‘at that’ then decide what you need to do to reach that image you pictured earlier of what that person looks like to you. That person that is good enough at what you are doing.
I do want to ask you though, to think back to all the things you’ve done today. Every little one of them and ask yourself that same question.
With everything that you are managing right now, all that you are working through, and all those things that you have achieved.
Do you still think you aren’t good enough?
Butterflies With Rainbows