Letter of Hope – When you just don’t feel good enough.

Sometimes we all need a little reminder that we are doing a good thing. That all the hard work and effort that we are putting in is actually worth it. There are times though that little annoying voice creeps in and ruins it, by making us think that no matter what, we will never be good enough. I have so much hate for that little voice, it really bugs me. I have had many fights with it, and still do. There are many of us who have these battles on a daily basis, and to all of you I want to say well done. You are doing fantastic. This is for everyone who hears that niggling doubt, whether is daily, monthly, or every now and then. Why? Because you are all doing brilliantly.

To the butterfly who is wondering if she is good enough,

I want you to know that those thoughts you’re having right now you aren’t imagining. I believe they are there. I am not going to tell you they are silly, or you’re overreacting because sometimes these thoughts really do seem to take over don’t they?

If you’re sitting there wondering, if you really are good enough, can I ask you to think about what is it that ‘good enough’ looks like to you? What would it take for you to stand in front of that mirror and be able to say to yourself “I am good enough.”

Who is it you are trying to prove yourself to? Are you trying to make yourself ‘good enough’ based on other people’s expectations that you think they have? Or is it on presumptions that have been made of your own view of them? Or do you have something to actually go by, an agreed description of what it is you need to be doing?

If you’re thinking at the moment ‘I don’t know’ (which if you are anything like me is highly possible) can you think about a time when you did something that you felt was good enough? How did you know it was good? Remember what that feeling felt like, the facial expressions it gave you, the hope it left in your heart. What have you done where this has been present recently? So, what does that tell you?

The thing about feeling like you’re ‘good enough’ is it is different for every one of us. What makes me good enough is different for you. It can change every single day. It can build over time, and the only expectations that truly matter are the ones that which you know of, for definite. The most important one is your own. What made you feel good enough yesterday may need a different approach today, tomorrow, or even next week.

It is easy to assume that people expect you to be able to this brilliant mum, or colleague, or auntie, or friend. Who is always smiling, never crying, always holding it together, but have those things been said to you? Are these your expectations? Would you have these expectations of others around you? Being enough for yourself may simply be to get through your day, remembering to eat, to drink, brush that hair, check in with a friend or two. It may mean you get up, do the school run, cook a meal, do the laundry, help with homework, and attend a fitness class. Either way, both are good enough for each person’s situation and scenario.

Now no one can instantly turn off all these thoughts, I’m not going to try too either. Redirecting their energy into something else though is always an option. So next time (or this time) you are thinking you just are not good enough, add on ‘at that’ then decide what you need to do to reach that image you pictured earlier of what that person looks like to you. That person that is good enough at what you are doing.

I do want to ask you though, to think back to all the things you’ve done today. Every little one of them and ask yourself that same question.

With everything that you are managing right now, all that you are working through, and all those things that you have achieved.

Do you still think you aren’t good enough?

Sending hugs

Butterflies With Rainbows

My Scared Butterfly.

To my amazing butterfly,

I know you are feeling scared at the moment, you’re facing something that is completely unknown to you. I wanted to let you know that being scared is perfectly fine, don’t be afraid to share this with those around you, you definitely won’t be alone. You will be able to manage this because you are an amazing person with a wealth of knowledge and if you can believe in yourself just a small amount compared to the amount you believe in those around you, you will be just brilliant.

I know that you feel guilty, like you could have done better. Or even prevented this from happening. You always say that things happen sometimes that are completely out of our control. Do you think this was one of those things? You couldn’t have prevented it really could you? That guilt is natural, but what if you converted that guilt into another emotion? How would that feel? Try remorse? Try saying to yourself “I’m really sad that happened but I couldn’t change it, so instead I’m going to do this.” Remorse will lead you to recovery easier than guilt, it will lean you towards steps to change, encourage you to move forward. Feeling guilty about an event will keep you in that moment, for a long time. Being sad that something outside of your control has happened is alright, it doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you compassionate and caring. Qualities of an amazing individual.

I know you might be feeling lonely, like no one would truly understand the feelings and emotions that are going through your head. Those confused thoughts of anger but fear you have, of worry in case you say or do something wrong. The conflict between talking to seek advice and, talking and risk losing friends. Of being judged, labelled or excluded. The concern of having the reality check of having to re-prioritise some of the most important things in your life and not knowing if you have made the right decisions, never knowing if this is a risk that will be worthwhile. Please feel reassured that you aren’t alone, because whatever the time of day or night someone really is there for you, to listen to you, to hold your hand, to give you that much needed hug, supply you with a tea or coffee, and to just sit with you and listen to you. You really will never be alone.

That disappointed feeling you have, because you wanted to react in a different way that you felt was the right way. Those initial emotions and feelings that you allowed to surface, that you now regret. That you wish you never felt because you feel they were wrong. They weren’t wrong, they were all good, they were all the normal things that everyone feels and you managed everything so well. Your really should be proud of your skills. Look at how you took the next steps, how you looked at everything rationally, how you thought about everything slowly and calmly. Are these things to really feel disappointed about? I didn’t think so.

When all these feelings and emotions take over, overwhelm you, and are then mixed up with the addition of responsibility, love, respect for another, and experiences of others that you know it can create such a confusing atmosphere in your head. Sometimes it can seem more than a fog or a cloud. More like an electrical storm cloud, because unlike a normal cloud it’s not just blurry, it’s painful and can seem like the wrong turn will create a super charged ripple effect through the entire sky.

In order for a storm cloud to be so effective though it needs to have something to conduct the force behind it. By taking everything slowly, one step at a time, and having the realisation that you are the calm in that storm, you are in control of the direction of those lightening bolts, it will soon disperse. All storm clouds have one advantage that they don’t know about, they stop you seeing too far ahead. This means you can only ever focus on the step in front, so you see, that cloud is daft. It’s helping you to stay on track without even realising.

So, to my amazing butterfly who is reading this, I hope you can see the way through, because you really are beautiful and strong enough to face this. Remember to let that storm cloud help you, it will clear, but only if you can allow yourself you take it one step at a time.

I believe in you.

Butterflies With Rainbows

“I’m Sorry?”

I was once asked the question “why do you apologise so much?” and I couldn’t answer it immediately. After a little while my response was simply “I’m sorry.”

It has taken me a long while to figure out how to write this blog, for a number of reasons. Some of which I will explain to you here. Some of which, I need to work on a little more before they can be spoken about. You will understand as you read on.

Why did I apologise after being asked that initial question? Well, the truth is I had no idea what else to say at the time. Saying sorry ended the conversation, it meant that I didn’t have to answer it anymore. It didn’t mean that I wouldn’t stop thinking about it though.

So, when I was recently asked a more specific question of
“Women who have been victims of domestic abuse apologise so much, you used to do that too. Why is that?”
I didn’t apologise (yay) but I wasn’t able to offer an answer. The response to this question I had, it was all in my head, but something was stopping me from speaking. However, I wanted to apologise (so so much) for not being able answer it, instead I managed to respond with;
“I’ll write about it.”
So that’s what I am doing.

I never really understood or recognised how often I apologised until I started to make an effort to stop. No one asked me to stop saying sorry, it did bug a few people, but no one ever made a big deal out of it. For me this was a good thing. I know not everyone is this lucky, and that can make it even harder to understand, because at the end of the day it is our natural instinct isn’t it, if someone is upset with us, we apologise. It is a vicious circle.

“We are all a work in progress.”
@butterflieswithrainbows

Let me start with why I am writing this, why was I the one being asked that question in the first place? One of the reasons of this is because (and admittedly for some of those reading this, it will be the first time they may see me ‘saying’ this) I can explain why victims of domestic abuse apologise an awful lot because I am one. I have lived that life, and those experiences. The feelings which boil up inside of you that can only be fixed by apologising can only be felt in those scary situations which not many people want to discuss.

What is it about the word sorry that provides someone like me with so much reassurance and safety? Well for starters it is just that. It is a safety word. In so many ways. The word sorry has provided a level of protection to me. In times of desperation, it has diffused arguments and ended conflict before it escalated. At the time I felt the need to apologise, it was my responsibility, and that there was no one else to blame. The only person who needed to say sorry was me, so I did. Before long I was apologising for everything. I was apologising to everyone. When I say everything and everyone, I mean it.

Stuck in traffic – I’m sorry. Even though there is nothing I can do about it, but I was sorry it was there.
Going on a break at work – I’m sorry. Despite the fact that this is a requirement, a necessity and no one else had a problem with it, I was still apologising for going.
Standing in front of someone else in a line – I’m sorry. It is a queue system, but I was still sorry that I was there first, and I would be served first despite the logic telling me otherwise.

I have many other examples which I am sure you have as well, these are just some of the simpler ones. It highlights the point though that after a while the need to apologise becomes so automated, that even when the logical part of your thinking is telling you there is no need for it, the emotional part of you takes over. It continues to tell you that you need to apologise, that you don’t deserve to have that break because it means other people have to cover you for the 30 minutes while you eat and pee. You are not entitled to be served first even if you did arrive earlier than others, and you caused that traffic because you didn’t really want to go to where you were heading anyway. This is what the abuse does to our brains, and it changes the way we think, the way we interpret our thoughts. Most of all it changes the way we feel.

You may be reading this and thinking ‘I don’t apologise that much’ but if you were to stop and think about it, and I mean really think hard, how often do you reckon you say the word sorry in a conversation? Or in a day? Before I wrote this, I had one conversation and it lasted 2 hours ok. I said sorry 8 times! That is an apology every 15 minutes! Apparently, I am not apologising as often as I used too, so I wonder how much I used to say it. I may quiz some of the people I speak with about this. Now this 8 times in 2 hours is 1.5 years after leaving the relationship I was in. I still hold onto my safety net now. I expect many others do as well.

When you have been made to feel like every wrongdoing in the world is your fault for any length of time, of course you are going to apologise. It is going to take time, sometimes before the word sorry comes out of my mouth I manage to ask myself what is it I am apologising for? That extra few seconds gives me the opportunity to decide is it in my control? Is it really something that I need to say sorry for? Did I cause that traffic jam? Did I make it rain on us on the school run? Do I really need to say, “sorry I am late”, or should I reword it to “thank you for waiting.” It isn’t always successful. It is a start, piece by piece my safety blanket will get smaller, and gradually that 8 times in 2 hours will become 6, then 4, then who knows.

Having a period of time when a different view on the world is forced upon you takes it toll. It can impact you in such a short space of time, yet the recovery from it can take much longer. That is ok, everyone is different, and their steps are different sizes and are taken at much different paces. If like me, you have learnt that saying sorry will give you time, and peace then that’s what you will remember. The trust needed to be able to retrain that thought has to be able to be built first, the feeling of stability and reliability to know that it is ok to not apologise.

Using the word sorry as a way of avoiding disappointment or criticism, then of course accepting praise, and compliments is going to be incredibly hard. Knowing that you don’t have to apologise before hand for ‘not being good enough’ when you really are much better than you realise will take time as well.

“What is about the word sorry that provides someone like me with so much reassurance and safety?”
@butterflieswithrainbows

One of the hardest things to realise and understand to those that say sorry a lot, and those that hear it a lot from others is, do we really need to understand why it is that we apologise so much? No, not really because it isn’t going to change anything. We can’t stop it, there is no magic switch to turn off all those feelings and emotions. Do we need to be ‘fixed’? No, we are not broken, or damaged, so there is nothing there to fix. Have we recognised it within ourselves? Even if it’s just a small realisation then that is amazing.

We are all a work in progress.

The question we need to be asking ourselves is, how do we know we are progressing?

No More Fight Left?

I try to keep this website as real as possible. In order to do that it is important to understand that not every day is good. Not every day following weeks/months/years of mental torture is day full of smiles, and positivity. Sometimes it is more than a day. These slums can last days, sometimes a week or so. They are exhausting, but they are the reality of life. This is the life I have to live and manage on a daily basis, as hard as it is there are times when I want to say enough. There are days when I am great, and confident enough to shout from the rooftops. Although the slums are what many people struggle with. Over time there are ways to light the way out of them, they become easier to come out of, which is why now I can share this.

“I’m done fighting, fighting with everyone around me to be heard, fighting with the people who care because I want to be understood, fighting with myself because I don’t want to be the person I am. I have no strength left to fight these battles anymore, someone needs to hear me now.”

This is something I’m finding myself saying more and more these days. Despite using all the techniques and coping strategies I have been taught through the numerous therapy sessions I have attended I can’t understand why I am finding myself saying this.

“What do you need?” Is something that I get asked quite frequently and the only answer I can give is “I don’t actually think I know.” When the reality is, I do. I need time, and patience. Someone who is able to sit with me without a time restriction, who can just listen and help figure out the spaghetti junction of words, feelings and emotions that have tangled themselves up in my head. Someone who can just sit there and hold me while the tears fall and not feel uncomfortable, or the need to try and ‘fix’ them. Just to understand that they need to fall at that moment. The need to be held, comforted, and feel not completely alone at that moment, that despite the words ‘you are not alone’ being heard, for someone to understand that the feeling of loneliness outweighs those words on a daily basis.

To allow myself to be able to turn that phrase around from “no fight” to “willing to fight”

The true facts are though, this isn’t a reality that can happen. I do actually understand that, despite the understanding being there doesn’t mean my head can accept it. Unfortunately for me my head still says, ‘I’m not ok, why can’t anyone see that?’ This then gets followed up with ‘why am I bothering if no one else is?’ Yet the truth is, I know people are bothered. I’d give anything for someone to truly understand what is going on in my head. So that then I might begin to understand it better. At the same time, I wouldn’t wish anyone to experience it, because it is scary and lonely. There is no happy medium here.

So why am I feeling like I have no fight anymore? Why are these feelings all coming flooding back like a tsunami when on the outside I am so close the end of one step of this journey? Fear? Is it the fear that it’ll all get taken away again? Maybe. Fear that I’ll be more alone? Maybe. Fear that if it goes wrong again this time it will be all on me? Maybe. Fear that I have been fighting all this time for the wrong reasons? Maybe. Fear of being forced to live this life when there’s still part of me that doesn’t want to? Maybe. Fear is a big part.

Exhaustion? Mentally exhausted from all the realisations of how much the last few years have damaged everyone. The exhaustion from trying to please every single person around me all the time. The exhaustion from trying to figure out who I am and the realisation that I still don’t understand, and will disappoint those I’ve learnt to care about? Not to mention the physical exhaustion of trying to create this person, to be the person I want to be, to do the right things, to push back the bad person I really am and develop this nice person I want people to see. The physical burnout from forcing myself to be at all the places I need to be and make sure I am mentally present despite knowing I need to take some time away.

“There are parts that don’t go to plan, that don’t resolve the way you wanted. That change your future and turn your world upside down“

When everyday becomes a constant battle, a constant fight, and then a constant reminder of a life that was, it becomes a constant nightmare that never ends. It chips away at the reflection and before long that’s all I am able to see in the mirror. A nightmare, that has nothing left, that knows what she needs but knows she needs to find an alternative before she gives in.

But when the cracks seem too wide, and it feels like the reflection is falling into them, quicker than any alternative can be found.

So, what do I do? What can be done to beat this, to close the cracks before it’s too late? To re-establish that level of control which will allow the functionality of everyday life. To allow myself to be able to turn that phrase around from “no fight” to “willing to fight” and stand up long enough to say it out loud.

Well first things first, I do what I do best. I write, write down the things that are going well. It isn’t always nothing, it is a case of stopping and thinking hard. Ultimately when I am writing I will eventually get to the point when I write “I am still here fighting.” See the hypocrisy there?

Every slum comes to an end, eventually. That I do know. Managing it, figuring it out, I haven’t quite solved yet. One day I might have a better understanding, in the meantime I rely on hope, virtual hugs from those that do care, my reliant on being able to write (even badly) and a cosy blanket.

Asking myself one question, “If you heard about someone else dealing with all you are, what do you imagine you would think of them?”

You see, the bad days do happen to everyone. They can creep up when we least expect it, or they can begin to build over a while. They happen because they are part of every single person’s life. No one on this planet has a good day every single day. There are parts that don’t go to plan, that don’t resolve the way you wanted. That change your future and turn your world upside down. The realisation comes when you learn how to refocus, grow, and learn from these changes. Hope is a powerful thing, and the hope that when these low days happen that you have the strength, motivation and will power to keep getting up and to keep moving forward. Even if it is at a slower pace than other days.

Shooting Stars.

Shooting stars are hard to come by. When you eventually see one it’s so quick and short lived, that by the time you pull your camera out or called someone else to come see it, well, it’s all over. In order to get others to believe you saw it you rely on trust. Trust that your eyesight didn’t let you down, that you didn’t imagine it. That when you re-tell the details of that amazing moment when the light darted across the night sky before your very eyes that others will listen in awe. They will imagine they had been with you, standing there seeing with their own eyes the magic unveil in the sky above.

The magic of a shooting star happening when you least expect it, when you are just looking up for whatever reason, is something quite special. It can leave you feeling so unique and special, like no one else in the world experienced that moment other than you. Igniting that spark inside to lift you up, to give you some passion, motivation and hope to keep going. It somehow magically makes a smile appear on your face regardless of how you feel inside, yet you have no idea why. Despite all these amazing powers a single shooting star can have, how often do you see them?

If only there was a way to encompass these powers, package them up so you can let them out on those dark nights when you look up and see no stars to guide you on your way. Carry them around with you and share them with your closest friends and loved ones when you see they need them more than you do. Those magical powers from one small natural phenomenon would be worth holding on to forever, and be so valuable wouldn’t they?

The thing with shooting stars is this, you have to get to know them, to understand them. If you take some time to learn more about them, then you will find out that shooting stars actually can be seen more often than we all think. By taking some time to look longer, taking the time to use the right tools, and look in the right places, you can see a shooting star every ten to fifteen minutes. Can you imagine feeling that internal rush? of energy that often? Can you even imagine being able to feel the smile across your face every time you see see what you you’re searching for?

“You already have the tools to see it, because to them, you may be that shooting star.”

That natural phenomenon, travelling through the sky at thousands and thousands of miles per hour, leaving a trail of light behind it, has the power to restore hope in many. Yet no one knows quite how, and that’s ok.

You see, the shooting stars you can only see if you have all the right tools. So if you don’t have everything you need to see those shooting stars tonight does it mean those stars aren’t there? Does it mean you can’t look up and smile? They are still there, shooting their way across that sky, you can still look up, you can still smile.

You can still share with your friends and loved ones your hope, because you know it is there. You already have the tools to see it, because to them, you may be that shooting star. Passing on the tools to others for them to be able to see clearly enough, so they in turn can be a star for someone else.

Shooting stars are very much like some of the closest people you will ever get to meet, they shine brightly in the darkness to shine your path, yet never seek attention. Only when you know them do you really see them.

Shooting stars may be a natural phenomenon, but they will always be there, just look up.

Black Holes

Black holes are scary. They are a phenomenon. Like many things that scare us, they are something that we don’t really know much about.

What is it though about them that makes them so scary? Is it the thought of them? Is it the image of them? Or is it simply the fact they are not something that we can physically see on a daily basis?

A black hole! Let’s break it down. A dark space, this can be anything. A physical space, a mental space, an image, something metaphorical. It doesn’t really matter, because to you it is real. Black, why does this make it so much scarier? Black is darkness, no light at all. Leaves us blinded, with no guidance, it’s an empty space.

So, this black hole that we are so afraid of, this mass of space, with no lights, no sense of direction, constantly leaving us feeling lost and empty. Regardless of the direction we turn, or face every view and perspective is the same. Or is it?

The thing with looking at a black hole, is this. The one time we all decide to realise how frightened we are of them is the one time we are staring at them straight in the eye. When we are glaring straight into the middle of it. Now if we were to look into the middle of a hole and turn ourselves around it is going to look huge. The edges are going to seem so far away, much further than we can ever dream of reaching. The distance regardless of the direction we look never appears any better, or closer. Just seems to get further and further away. It is overwhelming, and naturally when it feels like the walls are closing in on us, we go into protective mode. For some people this can mean making ourselves smaller, curling up, protecting our minds physically with our arms and hands, protecting our hearts by folding our legs up to our chests. Does this help with the size of that black hole? Does it make it seem any smaller? Does it make it feel like its even bigger? Darker and even deeper than ever?

The phrase ‘black hole’ insinuates that to have gotten into it we have to have fallen. Or travelled through something to end up where we are at the present moment. What do you think about this? This is a tricky one isn’t it? What if it wasn’t a hole? What if this was in actual fact just a black spot, or a black circle? Something that we happened to stroll across one day, no falling involved, no impressive spinning or tumbling like we would have imagined from watching all those sci-fi movies. It is just there, a black circle on the floor, in the air above us, on the wall infront of us blocking our view. Would we be less scared of it?

If there is no falling involved, and we are still on your feet, this black ‘spot’ as we will call it, is actually flat. How different does it look? A flat shape; standing in the middle of it is only scary if we are looking down. Looking down we can’t see a way out, as with a deep hole, we can turn many times, every direction will always look the same.

Here is the fun bit; if we lift our head up, what can be seen? We may still be in the middle of this darkness, this loneliness and isolation, but the edges can be seen. The light is there, the hope for movement, and the motivation to find a path out of the darkness can be seen. Even if it is out of reach, it can be seen in the distance. The distance may be far away, but it is there. That is the advantage of darkness, even a glimmer of light can be seen. A small little flicker, shining in the distance, will catch our eye, that little glimmer of light is called hope. It is what will keep us going.

Regardless of the size of this black ‘space’ (I am banning the word hole) we have found a way into, there is always a way out. Like anything if there is a way in there is always a way out. We don’t just appear in places by magic, regardless of how amazing that would be (and I would love to quote my favourite film here but then people would realise how geeky I really am), we don’t always have a map, and (unfortunately) we cannot always rely on our phones for directions. We have the most amazing sense of direction built into our bodies, into our brains and our guts. Our eyes naturally notice glimmers of light, our guts will automatically tell us if somethings not right. We have to learn to trust ourselves. To use our eyes to look in every direction among the darkness, when the view is one direction is pure darkness, don’t give up. Remembering we have other places to look, look up, look forward, look back at how far we have come.

Look for that glimmer of light, that sparkle in the distance, remember that dark ‘space’ is only as deep as you allow it, looking at it from a different perspective won’t make it go away, but may mean you see that path of breadcrumbs to guide you out. Look for that path, trust yourself and your instincts. Hold onto that glimmer of hope and watch it grow, see it develop, and light up that damn darkness.

*Hold onto that glimmer of hope and watch it grow, see it develop, and light up that darkness.*

On the edge.

Sometimes, despite all of our best efforts, circumstances can just push us. However knowing where to look, how to balance that moment when you’re feeling ‘on the edge’ can be an important way of managing everything that life throws at us. It isn’t easy, but you can do it!

Standing still, very very still, trying not to fall. One more little gust of wind will do it I am sure. A little breeze, a small shiver down my spine. What if I sneeze?

How did I get here? I wasn’t here when I woke, I was quite far inland. I’m here now though, I gradually made my way here through the day.

Every step down the path took me here, I didn’t want to come here, it was not my choice. This is not a nice place to be. The only thing good about being here are the butterflies. They are so pretty and and fly in their hundreds. The pretty colours never look sad, they always seem to stay above me too.

There is this path in front of me, it doesn’t seem like the nicest one to walk along, it’s full of potholes, and rocks that trip you over. Every time you think you’re doing something good something else is there to surprise you. It seems like this path has a mind of its own. It literally pushes and pulls you along. The more you fight it the quicker you get here, to the edge.

I’ve been along this path so many times, you would think by now I’d know how to get away from it. I don’t, not yet. But if I watch the butterflies I’m hoping they will show me the way. They are always there, sometimes they lift me up if I get too close to the edge, they stop me falling. Sometimes, if I stumble too far they catch me. Can you see them too?

There aren’t many flying today, it’s cold and dark today, that path was really tough on my knees today, I tripped so many times. More than normal. If I stand really still maybe I will see more will fly in, and hopefully nothing else will push me closer.

I don’t want to fall today, I’m still broken from the last time I fell.

I need to make sure I don’t fall over the edge. Or at least be sure there are enough butterflies to catch me when I fall.

A little update and a smile.

It is a new month. For some this may mean a new target, a new goal, a new something.

Nope! I am going to keep plodding along if that’s ok with you? Who’s with me? (to be honest if it isn’t ok, I am plodding anyway) In a slightly strange time at the moment I am not attempting to take on the world, I am quite happy at tackling my bed sheets (seriously though, anyone else finding changing those like a miniature workout these days!) Anyway, its a new month, this means another month to be YOU!

UPDATES!!!! There is a website update. WOO HOO, now don’t all celebrate at once. Really please, one at a time. The mindfulness page is up, and content is starting to go up. Little by little it will get more interesting, and interactive. I don’t want to overwhelm people.

The quotes that some of you may have seen appearing on my facebook page and twitter page are now available on here. I may not have got the settings quite right so if they are not making themselves big enough to read I am hoping someone will let me know (please) and I will get it sorted somehow.

Other updates, Some exciting writing coming your way, so stay tuned. The purpose of this space is beginning to develop, having met some AMAZING ladies the other week I have been left with lots of inspiration and too many thought processes at times. This is where the mindfulness page came in handy.

Butterflies with Rainbows is 4 weeks old today. So THANK YOU for 4 weeks of kindness, support, encouragement and most of all HOPE and for BELIEVING in this as much as I do. You are all AMAZING. Keep going, stay strong, and remembering that if all you have managed is those bedsheets, that a huge achievement today.