Remembering that sudden feeling of emptiness and loss, and knowing that families are still experiencing this now is horrid. There is so much I know now that I wish I had known at that time to get me through those first few weeks. It wouldn’t have made it hurt less, but knowing someone else knew what it felt like may have made a massive difference.
Dear the mum that feels she has just lost everything.
I am here for you. You are not on your own now, and you will never be on your own. I understand that you may feel like the whole world is against you at the moment. That no one is listening to you, and no one understands you. I hear your tears as they fall down your cheeks and soak into your pillow, as you lay there wondering what the point is in every passing minute. All I am asking of you at the moment though is to just keep breathing.
If you can do that, you are already managing something truly amazing. You are already keeping yourself going and preparing yourself for the journey ahead. The one you have not started to think about. Or maybe you have. The one where you have your goal in sight, when what you lost is ready to come back to you. For you to feel complete again, to feel stronger than you ever have before. It is possible, just keep breathing ok.
I know that the thought of moving, or having anything to drink is just too much at the moment, but what strength could you muster up if you don’t do these things? If you lay there and think about this for just a couple of minutes while we breathe together.
Do you think you can carry on reading? Just for a little bit longer? There are some things that I want to share with you. The fight you have ahead of you is going to be hard, but you can do this. You have it in you, I believe that whole heartedly. Why? Because I never thought I could do it, then I realised that there was someone that believed in me. Having someone beside you every step of the way will give you guidance, strength and help you hold onto hope. Every step you take, and they won’t always be forwards, sometimes they are backwards, or they can even be to the side of that is what helps at the time, will be a step. That is what will be important. Even on the days like today, always take a step if you can, they will get easier. You don’t have to walk this path alone.
How do you feel now you have had a cry? Did it help? When you wipe those tears which keep falling, remember to never hide them. It’s ok to cry, they aren’t a sign of weakness, but everyone overflows sometimes with emotions. It really is better to let them fall and wipe them, than flood yourself with them instead. You don’t have to cry on your own.
Every moment you have from now on that fills you with a small amount of happiness, that makes you smile, that gives you hope (and these moments will happen). These are going to be what you will need to remember, to fuel the coming days or weeks. That hope, it’ll grow the more you feed it, the more light you shine on it. As you get stronger you won’t have to remind yourself as often. You aren’t alone.
Have you managed to continue with those breaths? If so, I’m so proud of you, if not, I’m proud of you for trying. It can be tough to regulate those lungs when upset can’t it.
Any ideas for what you’re going to do now? I’m grabbing some water, you want to grab one too? Great.
No matter what, one step, one minute, one day, you are strong and I believe in you. The world may feel like it’s crumbled, but maybe you’ve outgrown the world you had and are now creating a new one.
Always with you
Butterflies with Rainbows