Can you do me a favour? I would like you to take some time for you. For the next few minutes no one else matters other than the person reading this. This time is for you, to read at your own pace and remind yourself of a few things. Grab a few home comforts, whether that is a favourite blanket of yours, a cushion you can snuggle into, your babies soft toy, or that baggy t-shirt you refuse to wash because you can smell your safety net on it still. Then get that drink you need to have right now, find somewhere calming and take some time for you.
I know you are tired; sleep has not been that great has it? Even when you have been able to sleep you still wake up tired. The nightmares, they seem so real don’t they? Asking yourself why your brain does this to you, and why you can’t just get a break? It seems all too real at times. When you get too scared to even sleep at times, but it gets easier. You don’t believe it now, I know that but it really will. Give it time, do what you feel you have to too keep going, but I assure you that night will come when you lay your head on your pillow and close your eyes with peace. When you wake you will feel refreshed, a little bit more recharged and ready to face the day. Each day will get easier. There will still be times when you will not sleep, be prepared for those, you will survive these. You will be alright, as you get stronger.
You are not alone in this.
As broken as I know you are feeling right now. I would really like you to try and remember that you don’t need fixing. You are not an object, you are beautiful, and you are perfect. You have not decided or chosen to feel the way you do. Hold on tight, you will be able to stand tall, how do I know this? Look around, many things break, many people fall down. The world carries on, and you can too. You might do it a little slower for a while, and that is alright too. It is not a race. There is no prize, there is no finish line. You need to do this at your own pace and in your time, but know you can do it. Believe you can do this, and when you do you can look at yourself and see the person you thought was so broken actually wasn’t. She was in fact growing, breaking out of her shell, into an amazing person.
Remember, you are not alone.
Can you remember the last time that you smiled? Not that pretend one that you do to convince everyone you are doing fine. A proper smile, one where it hasn’t taken all of your energy and effort to keep on your face. Nothing fancy just a simple, pure, natural, genuine smile that just appears on your face. I didn’t think so. I am guessing you force that smile, then as soon as you walk away it fades, I understand that. Smiles are so important. Never forget how to smile, even if it is just to smile at yourself and say “today I am me, and that is good enough” because it really is. Taking the time to look for something to smile about, amongst the turmoil of each day will make a difference. It will make everything a little easier. Then the smiles become easier, and more frequent. It is hard to start with, but you are strong enough to do it. Give it a try, smile at the success of reading this far, you deserve it. I am with you on this, and I am so proud of you.
How are you doing? Are you looking after yourself? Are you remembering to eat and drink? That is so important; all of your self-care needs to be met by you. Even if you don’t feel like it, you should try every day. Without filling your own tank you cannot expect to have the energy to function. I know you would worry about others, so now it’s time to take this advice for yourself. Even if it is hard, just try. Small steps if that is all you can manage crawl if you have too, just keep going. What do you like to do that makes you feel good? Pick something and give it a go, see how it makes you feel, because even if it can make you feel calm, relaxed, special for a little while don’t you think it is worth it. Don’t you think you are worth it? I do, I know you are worth it and you have earnt it, you deserve it.
So now you have read this far, I am hoping that you are realising that this is a long journey and to be able to reach the destination you need to have some best hopes. You may be thinking that you don’t know what the destination is, or you don’t understand the point in the journey because it’s hard. You maybe even thinking that it’s pointless. No one really knows where there destination is on a journey do they? That’s the thing with a life journey, as you travel along it you learn about yourself, you begin to learn who you are, you learn about your strengths, your hopes, dreams, interests, dislikes, fears. You begin to gain an identity that is true to you. No journey is straight, easy, or peaceful. It will be full of bumps, knock backs, tears, hugs, good days, bad days, happiness, and sadness. Please remember it is your journey, and it is special. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, your journey will inspire others, save others, make someone smile, give someone strength. Your journey is important, and it I want to hear about it, you are not alone.
As I have mentioned many times, you are not alone. You might not believe it, you may have rolled those eyes every time you have read it. You are not alone though. You may feel alone at times, thinking you have no one to turn too, no one to talk too, thinking no one cares. I can honestly say that I felt that way too, and I was wrong. People did care, more than I realised, when you are ready, in your own time to let people in, let them in. Allow them to care, to hug, to give you that shoulder to cry on. Allow them to hold your hand at the scary times, to cry with pride at the brave moments, and to love you when you need it the most. Until then, try to remember, you really are not alone in the world, because when you look in the mirror you will see the following within you.
The strength to carry on every time you think you can’t. To have the physical strength to make it to the end of every single day. To survive every night, without giving up. The emotional strength that you have been showing to keep on going, even when you have not wanted too. You have shown how strong you are on so many occasions, with your determination to fight, to stand tall and prove yourself. This determination is what will keep your strength growing; it will carry you through the harder days and nights. This is something that you should be incredibly proud of.
Every day I want you to remind yourself of the love you have for yourself, the hope you have for your future. I also want you to remind yourself of how proud you are on how far you have come, because the one thing you have to realise as you read this, is you have survived all of your bad days, you have lived through all of the nightmares, and you are here reading this.
So be proud of that, smile at what you have achieved, never give up, because you’re not alone in this.