Today is a day where many are celebrating the title of becoming a mum. Many are hugging their little ones, or not so little ones.
Today though isn’t a day full of smiles for all, there are many people out there who, for a variety of reasons, are alone. Without their babies which makes this a difficult day.
This is for you all.
I know it’s a tough day, it’s one you’ve been dreading. Whether it be the first, second or even tenth Mother’s Day on your own I know it doesn’t get any easier. People say it does right? You are waiting for that year when you wake up and it doesn’t hurt, or when you can walk past all the cards in the shop and not feel sad. When you can watch the TV and the adverts won’t make the tears in your eyes burn, or the constant reminders on social media won’t make you feel like a complete fool. It’ll always feel a little different, maybe always a little sad. That’s alright, because you are a human being, and you have feelings. Nothing will take that away.
Sometimes the hardest task in life is learning to accept our emotions and feelings, teaching ourselves to listen to them and learn from them. Understanding why we are feeling the emotions we are and using them to boost our strengths, rather than fuel our weaknesses.
This isn’t the first Mother’s Day I am spending without all my rainbows, and the guilt is overwhelming. I am not going to lie; I hate the run up to this day. I feel like I am letting them down, letting the people supporting me down, and that I have failed in my role as a mum. One thing I have been learning on my journey to recovery though is that some guilt is non-controllable. The guilt that is being felt is not out of doing something intentionally, therefore is this a ‘guilt’ I should be carrying? Can that guilt be turned into something different? Maybe remorse? I am truly sad that I can’t spend another Mother’s Day with all my rainbows however it is beyond my control. I cannot change this. Somehow although the sadness remains, it is less of a burden to hold on my shoulders than the feeling of guilt.
So, when you are sitting there thinking about your rainbows, and the reason why you cannot hold them in your arms on this day. Embrace the emotions for what they are, they are real, they are justified. For you are a mum, and you deserve to have these feelings. I hope you are able to hold on to the positive memories you have and look to the future. Utilise the strength that you can gain from this to increase your momentum on your journey, day by day the finish line will become clearer.
I would urge you to still mark today as a celebration for yourself regardless, celebrate your motherhood, celebrate your tenacity, your fight, your strength, your love. Write a card, letter, poem to your child so that wherever they are, you have had the opportunity to tell them how you feel.
I included in my letter how grateful I am to have been made a mum, and even though I can’t hold my youngest again this year, I couldn’t have asked for a better opportunity to have seen all my babies demonstrate just how much like their mum they really are over the last year. Sometimes a bit too much like their mum, but I guess that’s ok too. Thoughts, emotions, and hope combined are a powerful thing. They can create such a boost in motivation, in your drive to succeed, and fight.
However you are spending this Mother’s Day, I wish you the opportunity to take some time to celebrate being a mum, in being you, and being brilliant at it, because it’s hard and you’re amazing.